With death on her shoulder and laughter in her belly,
an Elder embraces the mystery of her changing life.

I shall not begin what I cannot finish in love, joy, and peace.

This first line is from an Elder Covenant my elder sister circle created last summer. And of course it’s really not gender specific. The second line is another from the prayer I referenced in my last blog post. On my journey with cancer I was called to work with these energies. But really? Where was the laughter in my belly? And how could I navigate this journey with joy and peace?

We all know we are going to die, though we don’t often believe this at a cellular level.  I hadn’t. Yet the prospect of my death was becoming much more real. A portal of knowing I would pass through and find my life and myself changed forever. I would find myself in deeper relationship with the Sacred and sacred mystery. A profound spiritual initiation.

I’ve always been, as my friend Chris would say, a charles-in-charge kind of woman. And that served me well as we navigated lifestyle and diet changes. It would not serve me in my relationship with the Sacred. This was beyond my control. Surrender was the only alternative.

Although spirituality is fundamental in my life, opening and surrendering to the grace of spirit, spiritual realms and those who dwell in those dimensions was so counter intuitive in my struggle for control. Yet it was only through surrender that there was peace. Only through surrender was I able to embrace the mystery – and the joy of life in each moment. Only through surrender was I able to open to healing grace beyond anything I could have imagined. Healing grace for this journey of cancer, healing grace for my journey of life now with death on my shoulder. Grace and peace.

Beannacht,
Judith – judith@stonefires.com